Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
