bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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