I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
