i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize