You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
