Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
