Barsexuality is the new black.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Life is so much better after having sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
