I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We have so much sex to catch up on
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
