when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
