his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
