Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
