he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
