My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
