I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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