Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
