I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
