i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
