Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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