Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
