Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my being single is dangerous.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
