and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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