I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
