I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
