i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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