just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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