it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Pooping to opera.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
