dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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