I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
a search helicopter?!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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