3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
