Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
