I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
