try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
