I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
