Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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