My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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