almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
