I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Pants are for mortals
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
