i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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