She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize