well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
