She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
