I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
