Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
