did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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