I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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