After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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