So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
