We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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