maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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