A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
