I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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