It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
