If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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