listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am naked and annoyed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
