can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
