Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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