we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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