my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
