So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
