What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
