I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
