My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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