Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
