Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize