My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?