just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention