I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room