Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize