Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
