she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
